


Until we reach the sky

by little_frodo



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Anal Sex, Daddy Kink, Drug Use, First Kiss, First Time, Love, M/M, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-27 20:18:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15692646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_frodo/pseuds/little_frodo
Summary: Jesse is sickly in love with his colleague - Walter White, who could be his father. But that doesn't stop him from trying - and when work turns to love, the danger isn't far away...





	1. A day like always

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Thanks for reading my story! I originally posted it in german, because that's my native language - but I thought it would be fun to do it in english! So, there you go! :) If there are some missunderstandings because of the language... just tell me! It's not so easy, so... just for fun! :)
> 
> If you like what I write let me know - I'm always happy about feedback! Thank you! :) 
> 
> Walt and Jesse are working in the lab underneath the laundry in this story - but the story doesn't keep up with the series.

With a soft moan and completely annoyed, Jesse leaned back in the seat of the car and ran his fingers through his hair, twisting his eyes.

He searched for his cigarettes in his jacket; looked in one pocket and then in the other, until he found a nearly destroyed package. He took one out, put it in his mouth and lit it.

The first inhale was good – he pulled so hard until he could feel the sharp burning inside of his lungs, that went straight to his stomach. It helped with what happened right next to him on the sideway, also he tried to avoid looking into this direction.

He didn't wanted to see it, not at all.

Because on that sideway, pushed together like little monkeys and whispering soft romantic words to each other, there was Mr. White, standing next to his wife. Skyler. God damn, he hated that woman. He had always hated her, even before this whole thing had started.

This one thing, that was turning every working day with Mr. White into a day in hell.

The window of the car was only opened a small bit, only enough to let the smoke escape so it didn't filled up the whole car. And although the window was only that bit open, he could hear every damn word they said. It was disgusting.

“Yes, Skyler, of course... I'll be in time this evening and we will have an amazing night. I can cook, I thought of something mexican, er...”

Yeah, seems like Mr. White was not only good at cooking in the lab. Jesse had thought a lot about this, how it would be if Mr. White would cook for him one day, like for real. How couples were doing it. It wasn't his fault that this dumb woman was in his way.

Jesse slipped down a bit deeper into the seat and ran his hands over his eyes, having the cigarette still in the corner of his mouth. He felt tired and exhausted.

When some time passed, he had enough and pulled down the window a little bit more.

“Yo, Mr. White! I don't wanna stress or something, but we do have a lot more than this to do today!”

Sklyler narrowed her eyes, and Jesse snorted when he saw her gaze. Yeah, that's how she was – she told him everything he had to know just with this one gaze. She wasn't accepting him as Walt's partner, nor did she as a human being. Mr. White moaned and pulled up his shoulders, turning to Skyler again. Jesse looked away; he didn't wanted to see this. It was hurting enough already.

After what seemed an eternity, the door beside Jesse opened and Mr. White climbed into the car. He didn't said a word when he sat down, but he was looking at Jesse.

“What?”, Jesse snapped. His eyes narrowed, and he threw the smoked butt out of the window.

“What did I tell you about smoking in my car?”, Mr. White said nearly angry. His gray eyes were tucked on Jesse, but Jesse only shrugged his shoulders and replied the gaze only as long as possible.  
“But I wanted to.”

“I don't care if you wanted to. Hold yourself back the next time.”

“You don't have cancer anymore...” Jesse mumbled quiet – he pulled the sleeves of his hoodie a bit more over his wrists and leaned his head against the window. When Mr. White started the engine, the window was softly vibrating on his skin.

“That doesn't have to do anything with cancer. It's about decency, Jesse. You don't smoke in cars that don't belong to you. Or you ask before you do.”

“I'm not 12, yo!”

“Seems like.”

“God damn, is it such a day again? You can be such a dickass teacher...Then tell your wife the next time to say hello, that's what people do. Decency, yo!”

Jesse wasn't even lying about this – although he hated her, he always said hello. Always when he saw her. The fact that he was secretly in love with her husband was not important. 

Decency.. with 25 you shouldn't be told these things either anymore.

Mr. White included the steering wheel a bit harder; there were little veins showing off his skin, and the ankles were turning a bit white. Jesse knew he was tense – Mr. White touched everything a bit harder when he was worried or had something on his mind.

Jesse knew it was sick, but he had watched Mr. White – who he was calling Walt in his thoughts – a lot during the past year. He always felt a fire burning deep down in his body whenever he thought about the fact how it would be if these older hands would touch his body softly.

Jesse turned a bit red – he was looking out of the window, so Mr. White wouldn't noticed the changing of the color.

After a time, Mr. White finally answered.

“She.. doesn't like it either what we're doing, so... don't take her too serious. She doesn't mean it, you know.”

“But I do. And you're telling me something about decency!”

“Jesse, don't let us start with fighting. We have much to do today.”

“And you wanna be home in time, yeah. For sure.”

Mr. White shrugged his shoulders, but he didn't say anything else. Jesse leaned his head back at the window – the light vibrations were more intense because of the higher speed. He liked that feeling on his skin, especially because Walt's scent was so present in this car.

They were punctual as usual – Jesse lost no time and left the car quick. The laundry was not too crowded, a lot of workers weren't there. No wonder – they were so damn early.

Being extreme early meant extreme hard work -Jesse felt it even after half an hour in the lab, when they had changed clothes and started preparing the steps to start cooking. Walter rushed him hard – do this, do that, keep your eyes there – of course! Jesse was angry inside, because he knew – Walt was only rushing because he wanted to get home as soon as possible. Back to his wife. But Jesse knew how to destroy this a little bit.

It was nearly lunchtime when Jesse pulled off his mask and sat down on one of the metallic chairs in the lab.

Mr. White starred at him.

“Jesse, we don't have any break today!”

“As you can see, I do! I don't work straight for hours so you can be in time at home with your wife.”, he said; he doesn't wanted Walt to leave that early. Right now he was enjoying every minute, although nothing changed between them.

Only Jesse had changed. He had been working together with Walt for a long time, about one year, then this thing had suddenly been there. The spark. He still remembered it as if it was yesterday – they had been in the lab for a long time, cooking. They had been in high spirits from too much coffee and had a lot of fun – and then, suddenly, there was this feeling. Walt had looked at Jesse just for a moment, and Jesse had looked back. There was a small touch – Walt had touched Jesse's fingers only for a moment – for a sec – but Jesse's body had answered with a such a big flash and heart beating and heat that he instantly knew what had happened. He had fallen in love with Mr. White, from one second to the other, completely. From head to toe. And this feeling kept on until today.

A long time he had hated himself for these feelings – felt disgusted by himself for this, because Walt could have been his father, and he didn't knew why it happened. He had been fighting against this, again and again, but he had been falling down several times, if he hated himself for that or not. He had puzzled he might had a sort of daddy kink that he found Mr. White so attractive and prepossessing – but it wasn't that. He just had fallen in love.

That he was gay, well, that was a thing that Jesse knew some time. He had always played the big guy in front of his friends, like, yeah, I fuck bitches all day, I have too many girls... but it was all a lie. Jesse didn't had a lot of sex – especially not since he had been fallen for Walt. The only thing he was doing was that he was hooking up with the president of a motorcycle club – a young, good looking guy – but only when he was high and when he had the feeling that he couldn't stand the situation with Walt anymore.

That he got some meth in return although he cooked himself, was not the best part about it.

Jesse leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms behind his neck – he looked at Walt, grining.

“Oh, so you're doing your fun thing again today? Hum? I'll go later, with or without you.” Walt was angry, but looking at the wrinkles on his forehead, Jesse knew Walter was stressed out.

Ohu, stress at home.

“You've got stress at home, with her, I mean?”, Jesse said curious and leaned to the front a bit; he was coming closer to Walt this way. Walt snorted angrily; the way he touched his glasses made Jesse knew he was right.

“Well, hm... no, it's just not enough time for my family and I try to change this.”

Jesse nodded and bit his lips.

“I'm still here, so...”, Jesse said quietly, and Walt smiled, but it was no honest smile.

“I know. But you know what it means, too. Family is everything, Jesse.”

“Yeah” was all that Jesse could say. What else should he say? He didn't had any other words.

They were really driving away from the lab quite early this day. Jesse pulled his knees up in the car and pushed them against the dashboard of the car, even though Mr. White was snoring at this. He was quiet.

“Yo, Mr. White... I can drive with my own car tomorrow, if your wife is that much offended by me.”

He looked at Walt; the older man had wrinkles full of worries on his forehead and Jesse felt sorry for him in this moment. He was shortly thinking about reaching for Walt with his arm and stroke the older mans arm, but he thought that this might have been a bit too softly and caring.

Even though it tingled in his nerves.

“No, it's alright. That way I can make sure that you come to work punctual.”

Yeah, as always. Punctuality. Jesse twisted his eyes and was silent for the rest of the drive until they reached his house. Jesse unfastened his seatbelt but didn't left the car directly. He looked over to Walt, although he wasn't answering this gaze.

“You wanna... wanna do something tomorrow eve? Maybe... ahm... having a snack and... and just talk a bit, you know.” Jesse asked and was angry about the dark red tone coming onto his cheeks. Like a girl, he thought.

Walt wasn't moving for a moment; he just touched his glasses and looked out of his window.

“I'm going to talk about this with Skyler, but... yes, I would like to.”

Jesse put himself together to not let out a dumb phrase right now – he didn't wanted to ruin this right now.

“Okay, cool. Uhm... See ya tomorrow, then.”Jesse said and Walt nodded. But Jesse wasn't standing up. He just stayed there, thinking about this situation. His skin started prickling and he felt really warm in his hoodie. For one moment, he wanted to do it – turn over to Walt, grab him him at his shirt collar and kiss him firmly, feeling the older mans lips on his, feeling the rush of heat in his body – and he wanted Walt to touch him, that he opened up his zipper and stroked his body, it was such a hard burning deep inside him. But everything he finally did was making some unsure movements until he climbed hastily out of the car, into the darker day, and the coolness of the air was feeling good to him. Because at the inside Jesse felt so warm that he thought there was sweat on his forehead. 

He looked after the car for a long time, ran his lightly shaking hand through his hair and bit his lip – he was such a coward! Maybe there was a chance yesterday.

Finally a chance to get to know if Walt was really forever forbidden to him – or if there was a small chance to come closer to the older man.


	2. pancakes

Jesse didn't slept well that night – grumbling, he rolled from one side to the other, stared out of the window, stared back at the black ceiling of his room. He just couldn't think of anything else but tomorrow; and he hoped, he hoped so much that Walt would give him this chance to fetch some dinner with him – or better, a snack. But also he knew that it was all in Walt's hand – and he knew from Walt's inability to stand up against his wife. It was kind of weird that Heisenberg could fucking kill people – but private, he was like another person.

And exactly this was the thing that was so addicting to Jesse: this man had two faces. Might this be also his attitude regarding love? Could – and would – Heisenberg let some love win?

Jesse chew his lower lip and exhaled deeply while setting his pillow.

It'll go crazy tomorrow, he knew that. He had to be damn careful with everything.

After what felt like two hours of sleep the day began; they said they wouldn't work that early on this day, that's why Jesse had some time left and ate some toast with peanut butter in his kitchen. He never ate much in the mornings; if he did, he sort of ate some sweet cereal shit. Nothing Mr. White would eat. When he looked around in his kitchen, he kind of felt a little bit sad. He had a nice house, for sure – and at the beginning, there always had been some people in here, it had never been quiet. Because Jesse wasn't able to stand the silence of an empty house. Today it was different – he enjoyed the silence, especially when he wasn't high.

Jesse wiped some crumbs out of his stubble – he still wore this beard because he thought he looked a bit more adult with it, not that soft. Maybe Walt liked it, even if he never said anything about Jesse's appearance.

Today was a special day. Jesse didn't even think one minute about Walt letting him down (like that often), and he thought this was a day were baggypants and big hoodies could stay at home. No, today he needed something better to wear. He was digging in his drawers until he found a nice checkered shirt that wasn't looking that big and a pair of jeans that weren't skinny, but not as loose as the baggys he'd always wear.

Combined with his favorite sneakers... there it goes.

He let his hair as he always had it – a little bit messy, not too much gel. It shouldn't be that offensive that he was kind of getting ready for Mr. White.

When he went downstairs and checked the clock, he saw that it was already about 10am. In one hour Walt would fetch him up from home.

A ring teared him out of his thoughts. He panic-stricken searched for his phone, found it on the sofa and stayed sitting there, answering the call.

“Yo.”

“Jesse, what are you doing tonight?”

It was Jackson – the guy that Jesse hooked up with every few months. He couldn't help but feel a bit shocked about this phone call – since he always had been the one who called. He felt goosebumps raising up his spine.

“Hey, ahm... I'm sorry, I'm up to something tonight...”, he said; he heard Jackson hesitate with a small breathe.

“Listen, there's a big party tonight, Peaches Club. Since I haven't seen you for ages, I thought this would be fun.”

“See... if... if I'm not that late I might come over, sure.”

“You have the address?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.”

Hung up. Jesse moaned and threw away his phone while leaning back on the couch. He liked Jackson, and sometimes he hated him. That guy was handsome, tall and really good in bed. But he was dangerous, had no scruple and no behavior. Just totally different from Walt – who was a very good husband. But Jesse had been afraid to say no.

He didn't register that he was sitting on the couch for one hour before a loud honk was waking him up. Jesse stood up hectic, grabbed for his backpack and his cigarettes and left the house immediately to be not alone with his thoughts anymore.

 

 

***

 

 

“You don't like the pancake?”

Jesse was still staring at his plate; his fingers were clenched around the fork with the piece of pancake on it – but he wasn't able to eat. He couldn't eat a thing, not even a bit. His stomach was going crazy. Flat. Full of butterflies.

He and Walt sat towards each other in a small diner where the pancakes were really fantastic. But Jesse couldn't eat. This was too surreal. Sitting here with Walt who had the best mood ever. He had invited Jesse, and Jesse, completely knocked down by this, just had nodded friendly about this offer.

Walt smiled at him; Jesse raised his gaze and the fork sank back to the plate.

“Well, I do like it, it's crazy. It's the best one I've ever eaten. But I enjoy the silence with you, you know – like without this hectic everywhere. I mean...” Jesse said; he lightly smiled , shaking in the inside about how open Walt was answering his gazes. Jesse couldn't do anything but grin permanent.

“Well that's what I wanted to hear, these are the best ones I know. I was here often with my son. So tell me, how are you? We're not in school anymore, so... Nice to have a chat without all these surroundings.”, Walt said with a light laugh; Jesse melted inside while answering Walt's laughter with a shy smile.

Weird how calm he was. He was never like that when he was near Walt. He wasn't even able to say some his favorite bad words... like bitch.

Maybe it was just the atmosphere.

“Well, thanks for asking, yo... I mean, you're not acting as much as a teacher like you always do. But... yeah, I'm kinda fine.”

“Kind of fine? Or good?”

“Kinda fine, like I said. Nothing going on... just chilling. Quite calm.” Jesse put the fork to his mouth and ate a piece of the pancake, putting it slowly into his mouth. It was delicious – just like this moment.

“No wild parties anymore?” , Walt asked; when the waiter came to their table, he ordered another coffee. “You want one too, Jesse?”

Jesse shook his head and swallowed the piece of pancake. He was so nervous that he didn't even recognize how hot he felt, although he wasn't even wearing the thick hoodies as always.

“What about love? How's that?”

Jesse leaned back and stretched; he answered Walt's gaze only shortly, then he kept looking back on his plate.

“I don't have anybody, if you... if you mean that. And I don't think this will change right now.”, he said slowly and quiet; he pulled the sleeves of his shirt a little bit more over his wrists, although it didn't worked as well as with the hoodies.

He leaned down to his pancake but looked up. He couldn't resist but let out a small, cute smile, and Walt answered it. Jesse's heart was beating up to his throat.

“What does that mean? No one to date with?”

“Sure. But the person is in a relationship. And I don't know if that person likes me as much as I like it.”

“Ah, alright... so, at my point of view there are several ways to deal with this, Jesse...You can tell the person directly about your feelings, however you like it... depends on how the person might react...”, Walt sounded like an old teacher that he still was; like teaching Jesse how to do things like he did when they worked with the meth. Jesse grinned, folded his hands and looked at Walt, who was still talking.

“... or you let the time run a little bit, doing it step by step...She will notice it for sure. But it's still a complicated thing I guess.”

“Yo, it is! You don't know how complicated it really is, old man. You've got no idea.” Jesse smirked. He liked it that Walt had really not any idea and was still trying to give Jesse some helpful tips.

“Well...Is she very... How much is she into her man? I mean if you know her well she might have...”

“Who told ya it's a girl, yo?” These words just had been there – he normally didn't wanted to tell Walt about anything, not that he was gay or anything... Not at all. But he had to start somewhere – and somehow. All the lies and stuff, he had enough of that. Although it was hard to deal with.

Walt watched him uncertain and shocked for a moment. He blinked and took off his glasses to clean them, before he put it back on again and looked at Jesse.

“Really?”

Jesse grinned bright and leaned back again into the soft bench; he folded his arms behind his neck and enjoyed the moment of pleasure to have Walt's attention – completely and without any doubt. No meth, no hectic, no lab, no Gustavo. Just Walt and him.

“What? What's wrong? You're having a problem with that? You look like you've just found out that you're not the father of your brats...”

“Jesse, don't call them brats. And no, it's not a problem. I just... I wasn't... You don't appear to be like someone who is...”

“I don't appear like someone of them, I get it, old bastard. So you're all into these cliches, aren't you?”

“No, no. It wouldn't change a thing between us. I was just... surprised.” Walt folded his hands on the table and looked at Jesse. “So it's true?”

Jesse exhaled deeply and grabbed for his jacket that he had put right next to him.

“Let's go outside, I wanna smoke.”

They were standing on the parking lot, right in the middle of the sun that was going down slowly; Jesse leaned back at Walts car and searched for his butts in his jacket until he found the destroyed package. He pulled out a lighter out of his jeans and lit the cigarette, took a deep inhale and exhaled the smoke into the sun before he turned his face to Walt, who was watching him thoughtful.

“So it's true? That you.. you are...” he said softly, and Jesse knew that Walt didn't wanted to hurt him or step on his feet.

Jesse looked down on the ground and kicked away a small stone with his sneakers, nodding while he took another pull from the cigarette.

“Why did you never say something?”

“Why I never said something? How does that look like? Yo, Mr. White, I'm gay, you know. No, not at all. Nobody should know and nobody does know it... except for you, now.”, Jesse mumbled softly; he was too shy to answer Walts gaze so he looked into the direction of the sun.

Walt didn't say anything at first – he was doing the same thing as Jesse, watching the sun going down. Before he came closer and put one hand onto Jesses shoulder. His fingers clenched around Jesses shoulder, grabbing a bit into his skin, and Jesse looked up to meet Walts eyes. His heart was beating out of his chest and his knees felt soft. Walt smiled at him.

“This doesn't change anything about our partnership, nor does it about our friendship. I just hope that you'll get the one you want and earn a bit of luck and happiness.”, Walt said quiet and soft; he smiled one more time and got back to the car to open it.

Jesse was standing there shocked for a moment – what the fuck more does he wanted? The truth was said, and Walt seemed to accept it. But how the hell should he tell Mr. White that he was the one Jesse was into?

He snapped the half smoked cigarette onto the ground, pulled down the sleeves of his shirt and climbed to Walt into the car.

“Can you let me out in the city?”, he asked, and Walt nodded.

“Going on tour a bit?”

“Kind of.”

Walt started the engine, and Jesse leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. His scent, he thought. I really need to find out what kind of aftershave he uses....


	3. The sore point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and the comments! I'm really happy about it and hope you enjoy the next chapter! :)

It was crowded, full and dirty at the club that Jesse went to after he had met Walt. There were motorcycles everywhere – Jesse knew some of these expensive machines, especially Jacksons was the one pointing out. As a vice-president, he had one of the most beautiful ones.

Jesse bit his lower lip and went through a group of men and women standing on the place in front of the club. They didn't pay a lot of attention to him, why should they? They didn't knew him and he didn't knew them. The last time he ever got attention from these people was when he was so passed out Jax had to pour out a bucket of water over his head because he hadn't been able to woke Jesse up.

He didn't wanted to be here, especially not after this fine night out with Walt. But somehow he felt like he had to celebrate this evening – it was a small success, somehow. So why not go out and check for a bit of pot?

Jackson was even standing out between all these rocker people – he was tall, had blonde, combed back hair and had a very trained and good looking body. He was always surrounded by a group of curious women – it still was like this today, when Jesse pulled his hand up to greet shyly. 

When Jackson recognized him, he let go of all the women and came to Jesse with a small grin on his face.

“Hey, so you're here... you're alright? You look good.”, Jackson said and smiled, and Jesse smiled back lightly. He felt wrong at this place, although he never had before.

“Yeah, everythings fine, thanks... you know, I just... I just need some stuff, and I'll be gone. Just a bit, and I have some money, yo.”; Jesse said and tried to look as chilled and calm as he could. Jackson watches him slightly, then he laughed.

“Wow, pretty new things coming up here. C'mon, lets talk inside, too many curious people out here.”, Jackson answered, and Jesse saw the lightly irritated look in his eyes. Jesse followed him into the small clubhouse with a very bad feeling and some pain building up in his stomach. He should have stayed home.

They came to a small room that Jesse knew very well. There was a bed inside, a couch and a small fridge. Without showing his feelings, Jesse slid his hand into his neck while watching Jackson.

“Jax, I... I'm really not in the mood today. I had a hard day, and I...”

“Especially after a hard day a bit sex is doing wonders”, Jax grinned. Jax was very close to him now; he smelled good, but Jesse missed the scent of Walt next to him. This was not right here. Not now.

“Really, no. I... Just gimme that stuff and I'll be gone.”, Jesse said quietly and stepped a bit back when Jackson tried to maneuver his hand onto Jesse's cheek. 

“You're not like I know you today. What's wrong with you?”, Jackson asked, and he put his hand on Jesses shoulder and pressed lightly. Jesse swallowed and felt a dark feeling growing inside of him. He needed to leave, right now.

“I can't”, Jesse said and prayed deeply that Jax wasn't reading this lie through his eyes. Jackson watched him carefully; he looked strict but not angry. More tensed.

“Do you have somebody else?”, Jax voice didn't sounded quiet amused; Jesse didn't knew what to answer. If he told the truth he knew that this here wasn't ending well. But on the other side, he wasn't able to do this anymore.

“No. Please, just let go.”

Jax sucked in some air and breathed out; he still watched Jesse for a moment before he finally let go of Jesses shoulders. 

“Let's take something together, this shit here is ruining my day.”

Jackson went to the fridge and pulled out a small container. In a small bag, there finally was the meth. Jesse went crazy about the sound of the plastic crackling in the quiet room.

If Walt just would be here to take him out of this strange situation...

Jesse knew from the beginning that it was dumb to take the meth directly here, but he had no choice. He didn't trusted anyone in this place, not even Jax. He knew that Jax had already killed some people. You don't joke with somebody like that.

They departed the meth fairly; Jesse preferred to sniff it directly into his nose. It burned like hell and his eyes were filling up with tears so fast he couldn't even blink – but as fast as it came, it went away in a second. The dizzyness in his head and the light feeling ran through his body, so fast.... His head was spinning.

“Did you... did you put something in there?”, he managed to say, but his voice sounded as if it came from far, far away. From the distance he saw Jax coming closer and saying something, his mouth forming words that Jesse wasn't able to understand. He felt his knees getting weak, and then he felt himself lurching before it was all dark around him.

 

 

The next thing he was able to recognize in his high was Jackson lying above him and biting his shoulder; Jesse let out a small groan, and finally he came back to reality a bit. He didn't knew if he had been awake the whole time or if he had been too high to do anything – but they were definitely having sex. Slowly there were coming back some feelings from his body – a soft pull in his stomach that signalized that Jesse would come soon; the bad feeling of guilty that he was sleeping with Jax and not with Walter, and it hurt – the burning in his throat 'cause he was so thirsty it wasn't even funny.

Jesse closed his eyes – the intense thrusts that Jax gave to him were making him think of Walt, and he wished it was Walt who was thrusting into him and kissing his neck and not someone who Jesse just hooked up with.

When the thrusts became more intense, Jesse was digging his hands deep in Jacksons shoulders, thought about Walt who was telling him: “That's my good boy” and came intense. His orgasm was wonderful without a doubt; but as his muscles were jerking again and again from the beautiful feeling, only one face was in his mind and he had to bite his tongue to not scream Mr. White's name.

 

The next day Jesse was so exhausted that he really thought about staying home – but finally, no day was a right day without his beloved Mr. White, so he stood up and went to the shower way too late. Although it was a sunny and beautiful day, he was wearing his favorite black hoodie that had way too long sleeves, but he didn't care. The only thing that mattered was the coziness today. He wasn't feeling like getting done anyways, and when he looked into the mirror, he thought it was well like this.

“You look like a corpse, yo... shit...” he said to himself before he grabbed his keys and went to his car. And although he was too late already, he still went to a gas station and grabbed some energy drinks to get through this hard day.

 

He was about over one hour too late before he arrived in the lab, went down the stairs and got a more than disappointed gaze from Mr White.

“You're too late. What's wrong with you, hum? Yesterday everything was fine and now you just look like you've been awake the whole night. Tss...”Walt shouted and shook his head. Jesse turned his eyes and put his head back. His head was exploding.

“I only slept bad, that's all. Don't fuck me up already today...old man.” he said ; indeed he didn't liked talking to Walt like this anymore, he couldn't do any different today. He was disappointed of himself, being such an idiot and sleeping around like a hoe. So he decided to finally don't say anything at all today.

Walt shook his head again and let out a small “lazy...”, but Jesse ignored it completely.

They worked together quiet the whole morning, until Jesse went crazy about the silence and wanted to smoke. Walt's closeness was driving him insane.

It didn't matter if Walt was far away from him working at a different station or if he was so close to Jesse he could smell him – Jesse wasn't getting enough of this man. Every time Jesse thought he was unobserved, he starred at Walt and watched him like there was nothing else in this world. 

He watched the strictly concentrated face with a worry line on his forehead; he watched the glasses with these brilliant, light eyes behind them that weren't gazing over to Jesse today; he starred at theses arms that were still nice and firmly even though Mr. White was about 50. He saw the small vein on the right side of Mr. Whites neck, pulsating every time he was doing something exhausting or when he thought about something. And somehow, Jesse thought, somehow Mr. White wasn't even at work with his thoughts just like Jesse.

And even though he was somehow pissed about this old man, he still wanted to have Walt with him in his short break. So he was standing right next to the man right now and watched him working with a big bowl.

“Yo, Mr. White... do you... do you like wanna go out with me and.. yeah, talk a bit and stuff?” Jesse hated himself for sounding so uninterested; he had wanted to say it much nicer. He stroke his hair in the back of his head and crossed both arms behind his head while waiting patiently for Mr. Whites answer.

He said nothing at first; he was just watching this big bowl and had his glasses covered in dust.

“I think I'll stay, but thanks.” he said after a while, and Jesse couldn't help but feeling a bit disappointed on the inside, but he just bit his lip and gave Mr. White a small clasp on his shoulder. His heart was beating so fast that it hurt. Maybe it was because of the energy drinks, but maybe it was just because he doesn't wanted to wait anymore. He couldn't get through this whole hiding game. 

“Okay, Mr. W., then I'll go by myself. If I get stabbed or something, yo, no thing. Just revenge my death!”

“Yes, yes...” Walt said without looking up, and Jesse slowly walked up the stairs of the lab and lit up a cigarette when he was outside.

Something had to happen.

He knew it – if he wasn't trying it someday, he would never knew if he had a chance or not. It was complicated since Walt was faithful and a loving father. But Jesse couldn't do this anymore. After last night it was clear that he didn't wanted to have somebody else, and it should be Walt who should make him come and not some guy that Jesse was even afraid of. 

Something had to happen. Fuck off family and work.

He pulled once again on his cigarette until his lungs were burning and threw the butt away. He blew out the smoke through his nose and made his way down to the lab again, not without enjoying another energy drink. Maybe the aching of his heart came from his unhealthy lifestyle.

The steel stairs were making quiet sounds when Jesse went down to the lab and saw Walt standing there in his yellow suit in front of the tablets on which they were drying the meth. Jesse pulled the zipper of his suit up and was standing right next to Walt who was not even reacting to Jesse.

Jesse was thinking; he kept staring at the clear blue meth, until he slowly said: “So... what are you doing tonight?”

Walt gazed over to Jesse shortly; he looked kind of disturbed, was Jesse didn't paid too much attention to it.

“I'm going to cook something for my family tonight.”

Jesse grinned; but deep down he tried only to cover his pain about the relief with this. 

“Okay, cool. Uhm, Do you have t...”, Jesse started, but Walt was interrupting him suddenly harsh. 

“No Jesse, not this week. So don't keep asking.”

“Yo, what's wrong with you? Are you still pissed because of this morning?”Jesse was regretting the sharp tone of his voice, but he wasn't able to do any different.

Walt closed his eyes for a moment; then he turned to Jesse , his face slightly covered in anger. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, and Jesse pulled his arms up. 

“I am definitely … “pissed” about your damn actions the last times! Get your life together, god damnit.”, Mr White nearly hissed these words, and Jesse crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

“There's nothing wrong with my private... yo, that doesn't matter! I can see you're playing to be happy with your family, but you're not... you're fucking not!” Jesse said angrily, but one look in Walt's face said everything: this had been too much.

There were red sparks growing on Mr. Whites face when he shouted: “You... know... NOTHING!!”

Jesse had an idea.

“So, old man?” Jesse had his arms held up in a provocatively way, while walking backwards; Walt was taking steps towards him. “ I know your wife is so pissed of you and this whole thing, and you know that you're just jealous of me because I can do whatever the fuck I want to do!”

Jesse somehow spit these words out, and he knew it was building up Walts rage. He didn't wanted to be that loud – and he didn't wanted to hurt Walt – but last night had been horrible for his feelings, so he had no choice than being provocative. 

“You're... you're so poor, Jesse! I love my family! You know what's embarrassing? Being all night out with drug addicts, being a drug addict who only does this to numb to pain of being all alone in this world! Instead of getting high you should probably work on your weird love thing! Because you never get used to it!!” Walt was screaming and breathing hard because he was so angry and out of control.

Jesse felt something pulling together in his body. The truth hit him harder than he thought – and Walt was right. He was a loser. And he was all alone. But to hear this from Walt...

Jesse closed his mouth and swallowed hard. Something hot was burning in his stomach, but also in his eyes, and he had to turn away so Walt didn't see it. 

He went to the small cupboards for the clothes as fast as he could and tried to change his clothes fast; and if that whole situation wasn't enough, he got stucked at the cupboard. When he pulled his shirt off the cupboard, he felt hot tears coming in his eyes.

“Jesse...” it was a far away but very soft tone that came from Walt, but Jesse wasn't paying attention to him and pulled off his suit as fast as he could. He felt Walt coming closer. Too late, there were already tears running down his cheeks, and Jesse sobbed.

He pulled off his suit and took his pants out of the cupboard, pulled the pants up to his boxers, when he suddenly felt a warm hand in his neck that raised hot goose bumps all over his body. This touch was electrifying, and Jesse started shaking.

“Please, don't.”, he whimpered, but Walt was grabbing his neck even harder with more pressure. Jesse felt a warm feeling running through his body, and he had to swallow hard against the upcoming feelings.

“ Jesse, I'm so sorry. I know there's nothing right with my house and family... hey...” Walt said softly, and his other hand was raising up to touch Jesse's cheek softly and pull his face into Walts direction, put Jesse resisted.

“Please, Mr. White... don't.... please.” Jesse supplicated, still shaking and with tears in his eyes because he knew he wasn't under control anymore. Everything was too strongly: his heart beating, his stomach who was completely cramped by this touch.

“Shhh, it's all good, son. Look at me.”

No, Jesse thought. No, no, no. Please not.

But Walts grip was growing more intense, and Jesse couldn't resist anymore. His tearful eyes met Walts, and he sobbed again. 

The gray met these warm eyes, and Jesse felt that his knees were growing weak and he nearly felt – without any drugs.

“Mr. White, please don't touch me...”Jesse whispered; a hot tear was running down his cheek, and Walt whipped it away with his thumb.

Too much. The thumb seemed to left a hot stain on his skin, and Jesse sobbed again.

His thoughts seemed to be completely empty, only these eyes were into his mind, watching him so calmly. 

“Why not?”, Walt said, and his voice was soft, caring and warm. 

Jesse bit his lips and kept staring at Mr. Walt too, his heart nearly exploding.

And just then, when Walt just wanted to say something again, Jesse clasped his hands around Walts face so tight and forceful that the older man didn't knew what was happening to him, pulled him down close to his face and kissed him so hard and urgent that he even felt himself getting dizzy.


End file.
